Unfortunate Race

Sometimes things don't go as expected.  No matter how ready a runner may be to take on the challenge of a road race, mishaps happen.    

After a 2.5 mile warm-up and some drills, I was ready to go.  My goal was to run anything under 19 minutes, preferably between 18:45-18:55.  Judging from my recent workouts, that was very doable for me at this point in my training.   

Before the race with my stepdaughter, Allison.

Despite the good overall cash awards and age group prizes, it wasn't a very big race.   

After I ran through the first mile in 6:15, I knew I was in trouble.  Mile two...no better in ~6:25.  I was way off of my targeted time and I just wasn't feeling it.  Plus, I was running all by myself.

At about 2.5 miles, not only was I running slower than I wanted, I somehow made a wrong turn.  As I said before, this race wasn't very big and I basically ran the entire time by myself so there wasn't anyone around me to help me out.  I'm not going to even try to explain what happened, but in the end, it was a pretty lousy morning.  

Then came all of the questions...Why am I doing this?  Am I not training hard enough?  Am I getting too old to race?  Do I need a break?  Is this worth the sacrifices I make on a daily basis?  I am sure these questions go through the minds of many runners after a bad experience, but that night when I talked to my friend and Oiselle teammate {Lauretta} on the phone, it felt good just to have someone listen.  She always has the right things to say.  

Even now as I write this, I'm not sure which part upset me more...the fact that I made a wrong turn when there was a person directing traffic in that immediate area, or that I ran horribly.  

Jesse and I had a good conversation about it as well, and he made a good point.  I am afraid of failure.  I am...I admit it.  He said that if my hunger to achieve the positive virtues of attaining a goal could be as powerful as my current fear of what I deem to be failure, I would be kicking a** and taking names.  He thinks that I dread what could possibly go wrong and what the repercussions could be, but he believes that I should become unwaveringly fixated on the rush I would get when I achieve my goals.  Again, another good point.  

Bottom line, I put in too much work to not achieve results.  It sounds so easy to not get stressed before a race...so why, oh why can't I control my nerves?  THAT is the question of my life.